before seventeen

I feel like I am a different person. I feel like a seperate person from the girl named Emily from the past. I don't share anything with her. It's like she's been erased and replaced with me. I don't feel better either. I feel like I should have left her as she was and let her grow up to be herself. But instead I forced change upon her life. I got rid of the boyfriends, the drugs, the friends, the trends, the music, the normal teenage life. I turned her into a hole in the wall recluse with little to say or feel. I don't really like it. I don't want to be her again, I just want to feel like I am not too weird I guess. Maybe I'll write a biography.

I just don't want anybody to read it. I don't have secrets, but I do have shame.

new cat, Sofi <3

I swear I'm not a crazy cat lady. I don't mind appearing to be on the outside though. Because on the inside, and behind closed doors, I am not! I miss my boyfriend. Brandon is amazing. AMAZING.

ALL HONESTY

This blog is about honesty, my honest thoughts and feelings. 100% true.


Anyways, I am trying a new diet. 21 apples. Ridiculous, I know. But I will try anything. Even if I just lose 1 lb. It will be worth it. I weigh about 112 lbs right now with a 26 inch waist. When I hit 102 lbs I swore to God that I would never get above 110 lbs again. I failed. I failed but at the same time I have succeeded in other areas of life. It's unfortunate that weighing 95 lbs means more to me than anything else in the whole world. Except for Brandon. He tells me that I have a beautiful body and I don't need to lose another lb but I still twist his words around. Here's Brandon. I love him with all my heart. I have a baby voice, I hate it, it's weird. I swear to God I didn't know my voice sounded like that. Now I wish I was mute!

I want a perfect life

Hi

This is Oliva.

& this is me